Steve Ballmer Going Away!

Steve Ballmer, the world’s ugliest man, is finally—finally—leaving his post as CEO of Microsoft Corporation. Ballmer, who was recently named by Forbes “[w]ithout a doubt… the worst CEO of a large publicly traded American company,” is receiving a long-overdue sacking. The news led to a 7.29% rise in Microsoft’s stock, as well as much rejoicing.

A number of executives, both within Microsoft and at other companies, are being considered as Ballmer’s replacement. One of the chief contenders is Nokia CEO Steven Elop, who, as can be clearly seen from these two disgusting photos, is the second ugliest man in the world. Whoever is chosen, this turn of events is a stroke of good fortune for Microsoft, and the world. I think we can all join with this retarded giraffe in joyous celebration.


ViewSonic Launches the next Tablet Fail

Translations from ViewSonic’s press release regarding their ViewPad tablet, which ships with both Windows 7 and the now-archaic Android 1.6:

“The lines of professional and personal life are blurring, which creates a need for devices that are suited for both sides,” said Adam Hanin, vice president of marketing for ViewSonic Americas.
We desperately needed a way to sell this ridiculous dual-boot system, so this is what our marketing team came up with.

“The ViewPad 10 delivers just that by enabling users to merge business productivity with personal enjoyment anywhere, anytime.”
When you want to do some work, restart your tablet and wait for Windows to boot up. Yes, you read it right: wait for Windows to boot up. The iPad, where switching to work mode involves a press and a tap, is for losers.

“We are proud of our 10-year tablet history and are dedicated to further extending our tablet product portfolio to meet every individual need.”
We used to think our tablets were enough, but when the iPad came along, we needed a real competitor. (Curse you, Apple!) So we came up with this concept and name in a couple of hours.

Not to mention that their image for the tablet depicted not Windows 7, not Android 1.6, but Mac OS X, running an outdated version of Microsoft Office! It makes me ashamed to use a ViewSonic monitor.

By TheGreatBug Posted in Fail