By Eric Weber and Nicholas Ward
Yoda was an unhappy Jedi. For centuries, he had fantasized of living in Dagobah. He’d even planned out his dream home and drawn up the blueprints. However, Jedi Laborers United wouldn’t give him adequate vacation time (one minute every decade just didn’t cut it).
So, he wrote the prophecy of the Chosen One and set in motion all the events of the Sith return, culminating in his “exile” to the swamp planet. He planned out every move of both the Jedi and the Sith, and after copping out of killing Sidious, he slunk off to his dream home.
His rest, however, was interrupted by a young whippersnapper who wanted training. Yoda, wanting to get some good out of it, made the boy help with his new landscaping and called it “Jedi training.” However, he grew tired, and decided to cheat him out of all but a few months of his 20-year training and telling him he had become a Jedi. The gullible idiot fell for it! Yoda also got the kid to leave by convincing him his “friends” needed help on some obscure planet in the middle of nowhere.
But his peace wouldn’t last. An old ghost, whose name Yoda could never remember, appeared and started rambling about something or other. Then suddenly, one day, when Yoda was just thinking peace would be his at last, the ungrateful brat of an apprentice came back and killed him. And even after his death, the old irritating ghost kept wanting to hang out with him. Thus endeth the tragic life of Yoda.